Well, I got the harp out of the case and tuned up. I have to be happy with that considering the circumstances. August was tough, but yesterday I seemed to have turned a corner as I was able to get through the day without going into floods of tears.
I had a gig scheduled for last week which I cancelled. I have two more scheduled for the month which I am still not sure if I will be able to do or not.
I am due to go to Ireland around 16th of October. Things are still surreal to me, nothing feels 'right'. If I dwell on this, I will get too upset and I am tired of crying. I want to be happy again.
Here we are now almost at the end of September. It was a difficult month for me to say the least. For anyone who has been through a similar situation, or even a death of a dear dear loved one, you will know that the grief and the pain comes in waves, ebbs and flows. The healing is not linear.
For me, at first the waves were tsunamis. I am finally (hopefully) at the place now where the waves are just big waves and maybe in the future they will be small waves.
I am starting to think about the possibilities in Ireland. I am even contemplating attending Janet Harbison's Harp College. Maybe. It is expensive. But I have some savings. You can go for a weekend, a week, a month, or three months with the possibility of staying and doing an internship. Why not?
/http://www.irishharpcentre.com/
Click on courses and you will see. I am thinking along the lines of a one month or three month course!!
Dearest Andee, I wish I had the $ to fly you to our house out in the forest, where you could let the dog out, keep my harp tuned & ready to go (selfish reasons, I know!) and just breath and gaze at the world for a while. You deserve so much better, and I think the better will come to you as soon as your heart & feet are stable on the ground. I really, really believe that what goes around comes around, and since you are obviously wonderful, wonderful things will again come your way. Can you rally to do those 2 gigs? As hard as it might be, you will make some money (?) and get yourself playing again. My fingers are crossed for you unless I'm practicing. Keep calm and....just keep swimming???
ReplyDeletePamela your words are beyond kind, almost inspiring! A big hug across the ocean to you! The gigs are with my husband and his friend Brian, the three of us. It may be too sad, but if I start practicing now I may be alright to do them....
ReplyDeleteHi Andee - I'm thinking of you all the time, and I ditto Pamela's wish to whisk you away and provide a comforting healing setting. May I ask what you'll be doing in Ireland? Hoping it is with really nice people.
ReplyDeleteHi Lucy, thanks for thinking of me, good thoughts and vibes gratefully accepted. I have never been this sad in my life. 8 years is a long time and it's heartbreaking to realize my best friend became an enemy (at least at the moment it feels that way) and the one I was supposed to go to for shelter became the one I need shelter from.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'll be back at the Boghill Centre doing housekeeping, prepping meals, etc. Sort of like the summer when I first went over to work there, only this time I may have more responsibility.
There will be plenty of opportunities to continue working on my music and there will be sessions a couple nights a week at The Roadside even in the winter. Paul Dooley, Christie Barry, and Terry Bingham, the usual suspects, will be leading them.
Dear Andee- I cannot even imagine, but you are in my thoughts and prayers that your next steps become clear, and you feel positive about them, very soon. Music is a healing thing, and it appears you will be surrounded and involved with lots of good music, and good people. Sending love and hugs- keep playing! Sharon
ReplyDeleteThank you Sharon. These past 6 weeks have been very hard. The hardest ever. The most heartbreak ever. However, it's getting easier, bit by bit. It comes in waves. At first they were tsunamis, now they are more manageable. I've been seeing a counselor and have had more support from more friends than I ever even realized I had. Thanks for the love and hugs, keep them coming my way, please!
ReplyDeleteKim Robertson made us laugh at New Hampshire's Highland Games; she said she's going to live 10 years longer than she normally would because she plays the harp. We laughed, but you know it's true. The harp will help you heal, yes??
ReplyDeleteIt should do Pam, once I get around to playing it again. I'm still working full-time and because I haven't been sleeping the night through (I sometimes wake up in a panic in the middle of the night) I go to bed early just to get enough hours in. Also reading in bed and cocooning is about the only activity besides working that I can do. right now.
ReplyDeleteI'll get there, though, I know I will.