Greetings! This is my birthday month, though I can hardly believe I have already reached this advanced age, when I still have so much to learn and do!! And I love that Thanksgiving is part of MY month, as I am so grateful for so much, including the inspiration of you all, and fellow musicians in general! It is feeling like snow, though I do not expect any today, and I am loving the rust and smoke of the surrounding countryside and woods, as there are still bright patches that surprise the eye and gladden the heart! Hurray for Autumn!!
I was particularly inspired by Pam and Lucy's posts, describing Maeve (whom I have never heard or seen) and I decided to go onstage at the local Coffee House last Saturday with a smile on my face and a bounce in my knees, and decision in my fingertips! And, though I cannot say for sure there was a noticeable difference in my performance from the audience point of view, I did feel immensely more confident and had a great deal more fun! and it is definitely easier to play with the lights dimmed a bit, so as not to wash out the string colors as much, but I felt I was not focusing so much on watching the strings as I was really trying to focus on the tune in my head- minus the usual constant chatter and worry about what came next, leaving more to muscle memory. and a decision to drop the left hand if I started to panic, ready to pick it up down the road when ready! I had decided to practice my 3 pieces a bit differently, starting at different places, and at different speeds, mixing up tempo and rhythms to see if I could still go forward with the melody line despite it all. Challenged the gray cells a bit. And had also decided that pausing, and slowing down if things started running away from me, was not a sign of defeat! I had once read an account of a disparaging remark made about a musician playing for a dance, and how badly the dance steps can be tripped up with bad rhythm, or by playing too slowly. However, since I am not playing for dancers, that should not matter, right?! Why let that complaint mess ME up when I am onstage??!! So, thank you ladies- your comments were taken to heart, and I tried to be the opposite of grim. It must have worked at least a little, because my good friend, Don, commented on how relaxed and how much fun I seemed to be having up there. I also decided NOT to voice any disclaimers this time around...what I was to give is what the audience was to get- no excuses. At my first and only competition, at Loon Mt, the judge told me not to tell the audience I was nervous or even allude to the possibility of goofing up- no matter how funny I tried to make it. For some reason, I thought it was a way to bond with the audience and make them more sympathetic perhaps? So, I kept it up, as part of my schtick. Now, after this weekend, I see that while my audience may have appreciated my self deprecating humor, my own brain was becoming more convinced that messing up was an expected outcome, and I would start the inner dialogue of failure in my head! Which explains why- at least to me- I actually would become MORE nervous with each song, instead of more relaxed! So- new mental habits are being worked upon!!
What did I play? Three Swedish dances, learned from Sue Richards in Lubec. Josephine's Waltz, another waltz I am spacing out on (Jarna's Valsen?) and Var Det Du- all 3 waltzes. I had a Shottis in my back pocket if I needed it, but I knew the 3 waltzes would go ok, and my daughter joined in on the flute for the last one, as a duet. So, I have also decided the DIY is an important thing to pursue, and have another waltz I pulled up on YouTube- also Swedish- that I have begun to try to learn. It has that bizarre tuning so many Scandanavian tunes seem to have, starting out with B flats and f sharps! The lever changes will be interesting! May wish I had taken up the fiddle after all! I am definitely heavily in Hall of the Mountain King mode, as the winter approaches! Loving the light and dark contrasts in these tunes, and the surprise twists the melody takes, after being so immersed in the Celtic genre, which is a little more predictable perhaps...not that I don't still love those Celtic tunes!!!
Well- thank you all again for the inspiration you provide! I think we should arrange to meet in some beautiful place and spend 3 or 4 days together just playing, sharing and drinking buckets of tea! Would love to meet you all face to face, and have a group hug! Many group hugs!! Maybe someday! Hope you are all keeping well, and finding lots of reasons to be grateful despite the curves life throws at us, and making lovely music- for yourselves as well as others! Take care- Sharon
